Tuesday, May 15, 2012

What do you value most in this life?

Well. we found a home! We put an offer in on Friday and our offer was accepted after dinnertime! God, right?

It's a little Grandma house. It's small (less than 800 sq. ft)! But, after living in less than 300 sq. ft. for 2 1/2 years it will seem like a mansion. We will have a lot of downsizing to do once we actually move since we saved all our furniture from our last home which was nearly 1600 sq. ft. It has a lot of flowers in the yard from the Grandma that lived there for many, many years until she died at 98 years of age. The absolute BEST part is that my daughter-in-love and my 2 grandchildren literally live right behind the house. The grandchildren (and she) can walk out their door.. across the alley.. and right into my backyard!

But, it won't be ours until we sign those final papers. There has been water damage on the bathroom floor. We asked one of the relatives if we could go in early and help them fix it so it will pass the inspection for the appraisal and they said 'yes' (but only if we were the ones that bought the home.. God gave us favor). So, yesterday my husband left a message that we'd like to come in and help.. no return call. :(

I felt my anxiety level rising throughout the night as each hour passed. "Now what?" I would ask the Lord. "Does this mean we won't get the home, Lord?" "Did I get excited for nothing?" And then, of course, there is the ultimate in pity party responses, "Lord, I'm so weary of these trials! Can't something just be easy for a change?!" (Of course, I repented!)

The Lord quickly brought this scripture to mind...

 “Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,  but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:19-21 ESV

I began breaking the scripture down in my mind. I camped out on  the word 'treasure'. Am I making this home a treasure? Evidently I am if I'm willing to sin in my heart against the Lord to get it by worrying and then challenging His sovereignty and His goodness.

(Doesn't she look happy and content?)
I have now laid this home at the Lord's feet along with my will. Of course, it's a battle and the anxious thoughts try to revisit. God's Word is my sword ...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:6-7

 By His grace I desire only His will in my life.. where ever that leads.  I really do want (in my heart of heart's) to find my greatest joy smack dab in the middle of His will.

I realized once again (for the gazillioneth times) that God still has an enormous amount of work ahead to conform me into the image of Christ. (Romans 8:28-29) I pray for His grace to lie still as He chisels away at the sin in my heart. 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Mother's Day without one...

  •      Our life is full of 'firsts'. The first time we walked. The first time we went to school.  Our first kiss. We oftentimes categorize our life by firsts.. kind of like a timeline of remembrances. Hopefully our life is characterized by 'firsts' that are joyful. A mother hopes that she will never face a year of 'firsts' without one of her children. Yet,  as most of us know.. our life is not our own to order.. and many of us will spend this Mother's Day without one of our children.. either through death or distance. This Mother's Day will be my 'first' without my youngest son who passed away at the beginning of this year.

         I didn't want to go to church this morning. I just plain did not want to go. But, I started praying last night that the Lord would give me the 'want'. And, of course, He did! So off my husband and I went! I had a smile on my face... prepared to worship my King.. the Giver of life and breath.. Ordainer of my days and my sons!

         I have purposed in my heart through the courage gained by the Holy Spirit to meet this Mother' Day head on with my eyes focused on a loving God and a thankful heart for all He has given me.

         Even though I cried through the worship service and through much of the sermon ... I was there by God's grace! It was a 'first' Mother's Day without my son but I also wanted it to be a 'first' of not being overcome by the grief but pushing through it to glorify the 'God who sees'. He is worthy! He is worthy to receive honor and praise!

         My eyes are set on Phil. 4 today. I've focused my heart to think on things that are LOVELY!
    I have so much to be thankful for!  I don't have to look far to start counting the load of blessings and benefits the Lord has poured out on me!

    My Thankful List:

    I'm thankful for my two remaining children here on earth who work hard to be the best godly parents they can be and try hard to honor their father and I.

    I'm thankful for the years that God gave us with our youngest son who is no longer with us. I'm thankful for all the lessons God taught me through being his mother. I'm thankful he was my son.

    I'm thankful for my daughter in loves and my son in love. They complete our family. I'm blessed to have them call me mom. I'm grateful they love my children and my grandchildren and try hard to be good parents!

    I'm extremely blessed to have my mother still on this earth so that I can honor her today. I couldn't have asked for a better mother!

    Oh.. there is so much more... so much more...
    My heart is full when I think on all that is lovely in my life.
    And I will....

    And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job. 1:21 ESV