Our life is full of 'firsts'. The first time we walked. The first time we went to school. Our first kiss. We oftentimes categorize our life by firsts.. kind of like a timeline of remembrances. Hopefully our life is characterized by 'firsts' that are joyful. A mother hopes that she will never face a year of 'firsts' without one of her children. Yet, as most of us know.. our life is not our own to order.. and many of us will spend this Mother's Day without one of our children.. either through death or distance. This Mother's Day will be my 'first' without my youngest son who passed away at the beginning of this year.
I didn't want to go to church this morning. I just plain did not want to go. But, I started praying last night that the Lord would give me the 'want'. And, of course, He did! So off my husband and I went! I had a smile on my face... prepared to worship my King.. the Giver of life and breath.. Ordainer of my days and my sons!
I have purposed in my heart through the courage gained by the Holy Spirit to meet this Mother' Day head on with my eyes focused on a loving God and a thankful heart for all He has given me.
Even though I cried through the worship service and through much of the sermon ... I was there by God's grace! It was a 'first' Mother's Day without my son but I also wanted it to be a 'first' of not being overcome by the grief but pushing through it to glorify the 'God who sees'. He is worthy! He is worthy to receive honor and praise!
My eyes are set on Phil. 4 today. I've focused my heart to think on things that are LOVELY!
I have so much to be thankful for! I don't have to look far to start counting the load of blessings and benefits the Lord has poured out on me!
My Thankful List:
I'm thankful for my two remaining children here on earth who work hard to be the best godly parents they can be and try hard to honor their father and I.
I'm thankful for the years that God gave us with our youngest son who is no longer with us. I'm thankful for all the lessons God taught me through being his mother. I'm thankful he was my son.
I'm thankful for my daughter in loves and my son in love. They complete our family. I'm blessed to have them call me mom. I'm grateful they love my children and my grandchildren and try hard to be good parents!
I'm extremely blessed to have my mother still on this earth so that I can honor her today. I couldn't have asked for a better mother!
Oh.. there is so much more... so much more...
My heart is full when I think on all that is lovely in my life.
And I will....
And he said, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job. 1:21 ESV