|
| ||||
|
|
|
|
| |
How Far does a Wife Submit? Part 2
Verse 22 goes on to explain the limitations of our submission. In the Greek, "as to the Lord" (3) does not express that the wife’s obedience to her husband is to be as unconditional as her submission to the Lord. What this word states is that her obedience to her husband is to be considered as PART of her obedience to the Lord." (see Ephesians 6:5,6 and Col. 3:18) Our submission starts with God as the center of our focus, not our husbands. We obey God, thereby we submit to our husbands. Our love for our husbands is displayed by our obedience unto God. Often times we reverse this by thinking that if I obey my husband, even in the sin of breaking one of God’s commandments, then I am showing him that I love him and God. 1 John 5:2 says that the opposite is true. "By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments" .
The limitations of this verse need to be approached with extreme caution. If our hearts have not clung to the fact that our obedience is to be done as unto to the Lord, then we can approach our husband’s decisions in an attitude of suspicion, disrespect and pride. We may begin to second guess every thing our husbands may ask of us because we fear it may be sin. We begin to fear his leadership rather than look to the position that Christ has placed him. Our duty is to submit to our husbands with an attitude of faith as our eye’s are set upon the Lord. We must know with certainty, that to disobey our husbands is a very serious matter that the Lord does not take lightly.
Oftentimes a wife may feel as if her husband is asking her to do something against the Lord’s commands because her conscience may be troubled. To be led by our feelings or conscience alone can be dangerous. Man is not bound to do everything which his conscience tells him is the will of God. His conscience is not the lawgiver, but God‘s Word. Get specific when you ‘feel’ your husband is asking you to sin. Pin it down in Scripture. Is your husband asking you to lie, steal, kill, commit adultery? Can you find a command or specific principle in Scripture to back up your uneasiness? I, personally, have never met one godly woman, who’s husband has asked her to break one of the 10 commandments, although I have heard of cases where this has been true. I have, on the other hand, met many women who may ‘feel’ that their husbands decisions are wrong and therefore have not submitted. Many times they have taken a Scripture out of context or just ‘felt’ that what he was asking was wrong.
William Gouge’s , (4) Of Domestical Duties, gives two cautions to a wife when her husband has asked her to sin against a direct commandment of God. I think there may be some wisdom here…
1. "If she is in doubt, then she must forbear the situation until he consent. The law of subjection is indefinite, the desire shall be subject to thine husband: the extent of it is general, in everything, the only reservation and exception is in the Lord: if the wife is not sure that which her husband forbids her is against the Lord, she must forbear to do it.
2. The second caution is that she labor with all meekness and gain all good means to gain her husbands consent, before she does, even that which is commanded, against his consent. Thus shall she testify her subjection both to God and her husband. To God, in that nothing can keep her from doing his express commandment: she would rather offend her husband than God, when one of them must be offended. To her husband, in that she is using every means to avoid his offense."
How must our husbands be approached if we are in doubt whether something they are asking us to do is sin? (5) "She may reason, she may persuade, she may solicit, but if ignorance cannot be convinced, nor obstinacy turned, nor kindness conciliated, she has no resource left but to submit: and one of the finest scenes ever to be presented by the domestic economy, is that of a sensible woman employing her talents and address, not to subvert but to support the authority of a weak husband; a woman who prompts but does not command, who persuades, but does not dictate, who influences, but does not compel, and who, after taking pains to conceal her beneficent interference, submits to the authority which she has both supported and guided."
IV. The Extent: "in everything"
The extent of the wife’s submission is "in everything. That is, the subjection is not limited to any one sphere or department, but extends to all. The wife is not subject as to some things, and independent as to others, but she is subject as to all. This, of course, does not mean that the authority of the husband is unlimited. She may not make decisions against her husbands wishes concerning the children, decisions relating to money, household goods, entertainment of guests or where they live, vows or commitments .
The ‘in everything’ has been confusing to me. I could not see the difference between a husband asking a wife to break one of the 10 commandments compared to him making a decision for the family that she might see as unwise or ungodly. After searching scriptures and reviewing commentaries, all agreed that for her to personally sin is different than if a decision is made for the household and children for that is the husbands sphere of government. If he makes a decision for the family that is wrong, he will have to carry the responsibility of that decision, unless she is actually committing a sin. ( Acts. 5:2) This does not release the woman from any obligation. She is called to appeal to her husband, seek the Lord’s protection for her family, to pray for her husband and to fast in faith that the Lord may change his heart . Our appeal must be done in a spirit of meekness and gentleness. (Gal. 6:1) Yet, she personally must not sin. (Of course, we are not talking about sin being DONE to children in a sexual manner or a child being physically abused. A wife is obligated to protect her child (and herself) from such mistreatment).
True, godly submission goes beyond the so called ‘guidelines’ listed above. It is a matter of the heart. Do we aim to please Christ in this relationship above our ownselves? Do we desire to please even our husbands unspoken wishes as unto the Lord? Many women have shared that their husbands refuse to show any signs of leadership in the homes. I’ve asked if their husbands have a favorite meal? Or a meal that they dislike? Do they seem irritated when they have to ‘hunt’ for a clean shirt? Do they like to have dinner on time? Over the years a wife can ‘mute’ her husbands leadership just by not paying attention to their wishes. Eventually the husbands will stop expressing his likes and dislikes. We believe that it is because they have no backbone, but most of the time it’s because a wife has intimidated them into submission by their hurtful words, moodiness or lack of attention to what pleases him. Start noticing your husband’s unspoken wishes. Begin to build him up again in this area of leadership. Make your top priority of the day what pleases him the most. That’s what you would do if it were the Lord that you were serving, right? If the Lord lived in your home and you knew that he enjoyed his meals on time, then what would your attitude be towards when and how you served Him that meal? Put what makes your husband happy, first as if it were the Lord asking you .
My final thoughts bring me back to our faith in God. Must our first reactions towards our husbands requests always be NO! What about prayer and trust in God? I wonder what would happen in our homes if instead of immediately and disrespectfully saying NO, we quieted our hearts and prayed for God’s hand to move in our behalf. God just might call us ‘the daughters of Sarah’. 1 Peter 3:6
1. The Sovereignty of God by Arthur Pink
2. The Sovereignty of God by Arthur Pink
3. Charles Hodge, Commentaries on Ephesians (Simpsonville, SC: Christian Classics Foundation) 1997
4. Of Domestical Duties by William Gouge . 1622.
5. "A Help to Domestic Happiness"
6. Charles Hodge, Commentaries on Ephesians (Simpsonville, SC: Christian Classics Foundation)1997
Copyright 1998. Georgene Girouard. You may reproduce these pages in their entirety along with Part 1.
| Site Tools |
|
|
|
|
|
Verse of the Day |
|
|
