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Is Christ Truly Your Homeschool Foundation?
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This seems to be a common trap amongst home schooling families. We want so desperately to 'do it right', to be the very best parents that we can in order to raise godly children. We want the perfect curriculum or the idealistic schedule to guarantee that our children will become all our hearts desire them to become. We can go for years building a foundation that we believe to be Christ while all the time depending on our own efforts to bring about godly character in our children. As the storms and trials of life beat against this foundation we will begin to see if our faith truly has been Christ or our own efforts .
These are four common symptoms that may reveal a wrong foundation.
1. Confusion: Which curriculum do I use? What is best? Do I use unit studies or workbooks?
2. Overwhelmed: How do I do IT all? How do I homeschool, sew, grow my own wheat to bake bread, birth 20 children, memorize scripture, use only unit studies, run a home business, etc. in order to produce a godly home?
3. Fear- what if I miss something? What if there is a big gap in their learning that I could have prevented? What if they never learn to read? Am I training them up in the way that they should go or is there something else I should be doing? What will happen to my family if my husband makes decisions that I feel are detrimental to our children? What if I train my children wrong and because of it they never become a Christian?
4. Anger and Frustration- "Help, I'm suffocating under this load of things I have to do!!" The mother is angry because of everything that has to be done. She is resentful towards her husbands requests or demands, short-tempered with the children if they mess up the house or request her help with school work. She wakes up with a frown and goes to sleep with one. There is no joy in the home or her heart.
Fear seems to be a common denominator in many of these symptoms. It may be the fear of failing at home schooling our children. We may fear that they will not be able to meet the college requirements. Or that they will never become a Christian. We may even give into the fear of man by comparing ourselves to those who seem to have it all together. We see the pictures and stories on the front of homeschooling magazines and we know that our families fall short of this ideal. A lot of homeschoolers are burdened by an enormous amount of peer pressure. Have you felt it? Do you hear that imaginary voice whispering, "The perfect homeschool mother rises at 5 a.m. to spend time with the Lord, she bakes her own bread from the wheat that she grows on her 10 acre homestead as her 9 children are doing their unit study in the home that the family has built?" Or how about this mindset," The perfect Christian family has a father who leads devotions, a mother who never loses her temper while the family watches no television, and trains their children consistently by the "Growing Kid's God's Way" method. As we compare our family to theirs we see that we fall short of this ‘perfect’ model and live in dread that our children will never reach heaven because of it.
When we look to others for the model of our home or trust in our own efforts to achieve godly results we will end up miserable and feeling defeated. The pressure to ‘succeed’ becomes a bondage that will eventually draw the very spirit of joy from our lives and those of our children. Jeremiah 17:5 says, "thus saith the Lord: Cursed (miserable) be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm." When we fear man or look to his example alone for our model to follow we will end up in a constant state of frustration as we continually compare ourselves to others. 2Cor. 10:12 says that it is not wise to compare ourselves one with another. We need wisdom to raise these children up in the Lord. But, if we are constantly comparing our husbands , our child training, our families lifestyle, our methods of teaching and the curriculum we use then we lack wisdom. The trap of comparison then often leads to human reasoning or ‘leaning to our own understanding’. We look to others and then reason how our family has fallen short and how we can measure up to the standard. This reasoning many times leads to confusion because there are too many decisions, choices and options. Which person do you follow? Who has the ‘right’ and best curriculum? If you attend one home school conference and talk to five different vendors you will see what I mean about becoming confused. Each will have their own 'perfect' solution to home school effectively . So we try to figure it out in our own understanding, while we go over and over all the options. All the while we are leaning to our own understanding instead of trusting in God to lead and to do the work in our children.
When you enter confusion it should be a signal that you are trying to work things out in your own strength and you are relying on your flesh instead of God. Confusion can lead to a list of rules, standards and formulas given by someone else because we have become so confused that we can't hear from God. The results of a list of rules is legalism . We begin to trust in someone else's formula or our own works for the results we desire to see in our children. If we are unable to influence our husbands to follow this set of rules or formula we may end up living in fear and frustration believing that our children’s entire salvation is at stake. Ultimately, legalism can bring the result of pride or a burden that is too heavy for any one mother to carry. If we feel that we have 'obtained' this list of rules then we feel a sense of superiority. We may look at other families who have not ‘arrived’ feeling that if only they would do it the ‘right’ way, their home and children would be different. If we are unable to live out this supposed list then we crumble under the unbearable pressure to measure up to the standards and either throw off home schooling or live an unhappy, angry , joyless existence.
FEAR------->COMPARISON------>HUMAN REASONING------->
CONFUSION----->LEGALISM
Please understand that I am not saying that our actions do not have consequences. Neither am I saying that the way we raise our children will not effect their decisions as they mature. We have been given a stewardship that carries with it a high responsibility. We will be held accountable for how we raise our children and for the kind of mother and father that we are to them. That is not what I'm referring to. What I'm bringing forth is the question, "Is my faith in my efforts, my choice of curriculum, my decision to homeschool, our ‘environment’ created in the home or in Christ working in the hearts of my children?"
As godly women, we have been given hedges of protection that can keep us from becoming burdened down with endless, tormenting fears. The directive in 1 Peter 3: 5 says that the holy women of old did not give into fear but put their trust in God. Our faith must be in God alone. Not in other homeschool mothers examples, or how skilled we are at homeschooling, or the curriculum or godliness of our homes. Jesus , and Him alone! 2 Cor 3:5. Our sufficiency, everything we need is in Christ and without him we can do nothing. Our works and efforts are as filthy rags and can accomplish nothing without the power of Christ. In our flesh dwells no good thing. Once we come to the place that we begin to see ourselves and others as we truly are, only then will we see that to lean on our own or someone else's accomplishments is a weak foundation of sand.
So, if our foundation is in the fear of the Lord, this fear will lead to faith, which leads to hope, which leads to love ( our actions).
FAITH----------------->HOPE------------------------->LOVE
Do you see the difference? Many of us have reversed our focus. We have started with our actions and put our hope in them instead of in God. Picture a home with it's foundation of faith, the walls are supported against the storms of life by hope and the chambers of the home are filled with the love of God flowing from a heart of faith. This is what will show our children Christ. Not an overburdened, stressed, angry mother trying to live up to everyone else's opinions and standards of how her home should be run and her children trained.
Stop and think for a moment what our fears are really expressing. Aren't they, in a sense, saying that a child's environment and training will influence whether they turn out good or bad? Isn't that what humanism teaches? Humanism says that a child is an empty slate when they are born and that it is the influences in their life that shape them either for good or for bad. God's word says that a child is born and shaped in sin and iniquity and it is only by grace that he is saved. Yes, again, the Lord uses our feeble attempts to live out His commands in training our children but they are useless without the Spirit drawing and ultimately saving our children. The Word says that no man comes to the Father unless the Father draws him. John 6:44.
Our second hedge of protection is submission to our husbands. God has placed our husbands over us, not other women or the homeschool leaders. Rom..13:1,2 says that there is no power except that power which God has ordained, and when we resist the power he has placed over us we are resisting God. We are to be subject to our husband in everything just as the church is subject to Christ. Our relationship to our husbands should reflect to the world what the relationship of the church is to Christ. When we usurp his decisions, our marriage displays a lie to the world concerning the image of the relationship between the church and Christ.
In 1 Peter 3 it states that the women of old adapted themselves to their own husbands. They did not adapt their homes to 'sister-so-in -so', or home school leader so-in-so, but to their own husbands. The Word says that there is wisdom in many counselors and that the older women are to teach the younger women. Now, the Word does say that the older women are to teach the younger women ,etc. This is true. Many things that we learn concerning keeping a home can be implemented to our husbands and families benefit. Where we get into trouble is when our husbands disagree either in their word or silence.
Many homeschool mothers live in fear because their husbands direction for their homes are contrary to their convictions or what they see lived out in other women’s homes. The 'ideal' has been set in front of them and they measure their families by it in failure. These women are terrified that because their husbands do not follow their convictions, that their children are doomed. A common dilemma is the wife who desires for the family to have devotions, or perhaps no television. If the husband does not agree with her in this area, then her fear can replace her trust in God. She may feel that the child's whole salvation rests on these actions. Are we accountable for what our children watch? Most definitely. Does the Lord want our family devoted to Him regularly? I'm sure of it. So, what is a wife to do? Nag, manipulate, grow bitter and resentful, live in fear, or take the lead? How would that kind of response help the situation? Or has the Lord called her to live her own life before Him in holiness, trusting in the power of God to move on the child's heart and bring that child to a believing faith? Note: There are many things a Mother can do throughout the day to encourage her child away from the t.v. along with personally studying the Scriptures with them.
This principle applies to the many decisions that need to be made concerning curriculum and methods, too. Normally a mother will look to her friends and the experts for direction . As we spoke of earlier, this can lead to confusion if she is not taking into account her husbands goals for their family. Every homeschool family seems to believe that their curriculum and method of teaching is the best. Our husbands do not always seem interested in these decisions, so we may shy from seeking their counsel. But, even this area can be put under their leadership. Some simple questions can build a protective hedge for you to work within.
* Does your husband desire for your children to attend college or not? If he plans on them attending college then you know that a more traditional, formal workbook approach may be needed, especially in the high school years. You would probably shy away from Unschooling approaches,etc.
* Is education on the top of his priority list, or having the needs of the family met come first? What makes him more cranky? A dirty house, no clean clothes, an empty sock drawer or the fact that you didn't finish math today? Our husbands preferences and desires (as long as they are not specific sins) are to be our number one concern. 1 Cor. 7:34 Listen to what he is saying (or his complaints) and then schedule the rest of what needs to be done around his needs. How much money does he feel can be allotted for curriculum? This will help to narrow your decision making even more. If you are given a very minimal amount you are not going to by all the ‘bells and whistles’ that particular programs offer. By asking him a few simple questions you can see what his vision is for your children. Pray for strength to go forward, embracing his desires for your family, TRUSTING GOD without fear, in spite of what good meaning friends may say (or not say).
Last, (but ultimately back to the first point) we must put our trust in Christ for the salvation of our children. The door post of our home should read, "Fear not, Only Believe'. Lk 8:49. As we look at our own family and their inadequacies and sins there is every reason to fear but in Christ there is every reason for faith. If our faith is in Christ, then we can look at the circumstances of our life that cause us to fear and instead have hope. If you stop and think about it there is not one perfect family alive.Who can boast and say that they have 'done it all right'? I do not believe that God will share His glory with anyone. God , alone, is to receive all glory and honor. The circumstances in our children's lives , whether they be negative influences through unbelieving neighborhood children, an unsaved husband or one that is not walking in the counsel of the Lord, or our own sin tendencies to give into anger and impatience or laziness ,through faith can become our servants because God's word says that 'all things work together for good to them that love the Lord'. Romans 8:28. Praise the Lord!! God gives grace (strength in our weakness) to perform that which He has called us to do as we look to Him and His Word . Our faith must be in Christ to save our children. So instead of worrying about whether we are using the perfect curriculum we should fall to our knees each morning asking that God work in the hearts of our children and that He would strengthen and guide us to lead them in His ways. Then we can go forth believing that He will do that which he promised to do as we depend on His strength to live in obedience. We need God's wisdom and understanding to know how to daily bring glory to Him as we train our children. A parent who has faith in God's promises will desire to be faithful to God's word and His will.
Copyright 1998. Georgene Girouard
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