|
| ||||
|
|
|
|
| |
When Husbands Hurt Us
1. Take up offense
Prov 19:11: A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression.
2. Not to retaliate
Matt. 5:39: "But I say to you, do not resist him who is evil; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also.
The beginning years of our marriage were spent fighting and fussin’ with one another. Something would be said in a tone that the other spouse didn’t like, then they would pop off with a smart remark and then the fight was on. As I matured in the Lord I eventually developed a small amount of self-control (by God’s grace) and began to hold my tongue but my heart was still not right because I remained bitter against my husband. I began to see that I was still taking up offense because I would keep my distance by pull away from him emotionally and physically. Without realizing it, this became my way of repaying him for the wrong I felt he had done to me.
Wives have many sinful weapons that we use to punish our husband’s if we feel they have done us wrong. A cold stare, an unkind remark, silence, a sullen distant mood and withholding intimacy both physically and emotionally. The world we live in promotes and encourages this. Just happen on an afternoon talk show and you’ll see how audiences seem to thrive on one person standing up for their rights to another. But, as wise, godly women know, God’s ways are not man’s ways and the fruit of those kind of actions bring nothing but strife and discord to a marriage.
As believers we continue to learn that the way of the kingdom is so opposite from what our flesh wants to do. We desire to make our husbands pay for the hurt they have caused us. We don’t always think of it in those terms but when we turn from them in our hearts and harbor bitter resentment then that is exactly what we are doing. But, our God tells us that as His children we must "turn to him the other cheek." Matt. 5:39 Have you really thought about what that scripture says? Jesus is basically saying, "instead of avenging yourselves , prepare for another assault, and bear it patiently." That is really what it is saying, isn’t it? If someone struck us on the cheek and we turned to him the other cheek then we are prepared for another assault.
How many times will we offend others in this lifetime? How many times will we offend our own husbands, even on a daily basis? Can we not reasonably expect that our husbands, who are sinners just as we are, will also offend us
Prov 20:22 - Do not say, "I will repay evil"; wait for the LORD, and He will save you.
Matthew Henry says concerning Proverbs 20:22, "Never say that thou wilt do a thing which thou canst not in faith pray to God to assist thee in."
I believe it will quench that desire to retaliate if we stop and ask ourselves if we could pray for God to assist us in our attitude towards our husband. I know in all honesty I could not pray, "Lord, please help me to really give my husband the cold shoulder. Help me to ignore him when he asks me a question. Help me to look at him in a way that makes him feel 2 feet tall." Yea, I can really see myself praying THAT prayer. * Smile *
I know that this topic brings up many questions in our minds. All the ’what ifs’ concerning abuse. I’d like to say before we continue that I am not advocating a woman to stand by as she or her child are physically being struck. Please understand that the area I am dealing with today has to do with our every day relationships with our dear husbands where an unkind word is said (maybe even harsh), or perhaps an angry, impatient, demanding tone is displayed or a neglecting of a duty towards us. Perhaps he has spoken to a child harshly or given an unfair punishment. We are all guilty of these gestures, either in heart or deed, so I am not signaling out our husbands as being the only offenders. What I am saying is that there is a time, within the daily routine of our days, that we can count on our husband’s offending us. Why not cover some ( a multitude) of these offenses with love? Pr. 10:12, 1 Peter 4:8 There are those times that a husband may need to be exhorted or rebuked if a sin persists and that sin is causing damage to the church’s reputation or his personal relationships. But, that is not what we are talking about here. I’m talking about the small offences that can and should be easily overlooked and covered with love.
My husband and I have practiced laying down our rights for each other and as a result God has done things in our marriage that I only dreamed of at one time. We truly have become each others best friend. This kind of marriage does not come without a price. That price is a giving up of our rights for God’s will to be done. Daily we are learning to lay our lives down for each other, to deny ourselves in order to bring joy to the other one and glory to God. We are daily learning to not take up offense when the other spouse blows it but to instead pray for that person and to ask God to help them in their time of need. The Lord is teaching us to put on a spirit of meekness and long-suffering instead of strife and the pride of demanding our own rights.
Eph 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
God’s grace is the only power sufficient to achieve this kind of response to an injustice. It does not come out of our own strength. It’s impossible without God’s indwelling presence. We need Him to work in us to will and to do His good pleasure. Phil. 2:13 Without Him we can do nothing. Continually we must call out to Him for His strength and wisdom to know when to keep our mouths shut and to die to the desire of our flesh to repay our husbands for their wrong. Oh, but what glorious fragrance when the life that is pouring forth from us is not our flesh but the life of Christ. A fragrance that permeates our homes and the lives of all those who come in contact with us. God will only be seen in our lives to the degree that we are willing to die and allow His life to come forth.
Scriptures to memorize:
Prov 24:29 - Say not, I will do so to him as he hath done to me: I will render to the man according to his work.
Prov 20:22 - Say not thou, I will recompense evil; but wait on the LORD, and he shall save thee.
Matt 5:38-48 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloke also.
And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away. Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.
A Woman that Fears the Lord
http://awomanthatfearsthelord.com
Copyright 2002. Georgene Girouard. You may copy and share this article in it’s entirety.
| Site Tools |
|
|
|
|
|
Verse of the Day |
|
|
